Special To ROYTERS SPORTS

ROYTERS SPORTS OP-ED --

"I Thought We Were Friendly, Malach"
by Mark Schlereth

Recently, Malach upset me greatly when he called me an idiot for pointing out that Belichick seems to be going out of his way to show-up the other teams this season. He then added that this is just adding a chip to the Patriots' collective shoulder. I find this troubling for several reasons. One is that the Pats have won three Super Bowls this decade and have been to the playoffs for four straight seasons. I mean, what the hell? Do you all have really small penises or something that would cause you to let my comments as a meaningless sports analyst affect you? Do you suffer from a vicious inferiority complex? Is Belichick just upset over the fact that he sucked ass in Cleveland? Get over it! Everyone is picking you all to be the Super Bowl winners and you've been the favorite pretty much from the moment you signed Adalius Thomas. The whole, "No one believes in us" shit is getting a little old. You've won titles, you are not the Pats of old.
But even more importantly, he tried to say that ESPN and other media outlets are upset only when the Pats run up the score and act like classless turds and that they never complained about other teams who ran up the score.
Let me take this in two parts. First, CBS's morning crew said that there is no problem with the Pats running up the score, and that it is OK to do so. They were all in accord that it is the job of the other team to stop the Pats from scoring, not the Pats. And as someone who watched the game against the Skins Sunday, I would point out to Malach that uber-douche Troy Aikman agreed with that statement. He also went out of his way to praise Randy Moss as a smart player and totally ignored all of Moss' several negatives that should always be talked about whenever anyone talks about Randy Moss. Aikman never said that Moss is just a whiner, a dirty little shit who cannot deal with being on a team that he wants to be on. There was NO excuse for Randy Moss dogging his way out of Oakland, and uber-douche Troy Aikman should have acknowledged that. Finally, ESPN totally sucks, so I don't care what they say, but I heard Ron Jaworski yesterday morning go out of his way to defend the Pats and say that no one is running up the score, the Pats are just doing their job.
On to my second point about why Malach's comment is totally retarded. He said that the 1998 Broncos and the 2000 Rams ran up the score, as did several Colts teams (since he failed to specify which Colts team allegedly ran up the score, his argument is procedurally defaulted and will not be discussed. However, in dictum, I would add that the Colts did score a lot of points, but they ran the ball late in the game and did not push ahead for touchdowns in the fourth quarter with a few minutes left and the backups in. Further, as I recall, the Colts had a lousy defense until recently which made the need for points greater). As for the 1998 Broncos, the average margin of victory for that team was 14.7 points a game (four of those games were one possession games at the end, too). Hmm, that does not really sound like scoring like hell on everyone, and it certainly is not going for it on fourth down with a few minutes left in a game when you are already up by forty points. It also is not throwing the ball late in the fourth quarter and needlessly putting your players at risk for a justified cheap shot.
As for the Rams, I do not recall the 1999-2000 Rams running up the score (although they did score a lot), I think that Dick Vermeil actually held some scores down by running the ball to shorten the game (though my memory is a little fuzzy from that time period). I believe that he was referring to the 2001-2003 teams, coached by Mike Martz, who were accused of running up the score and criticized for it (although the 2000-01 team scored a lot of points but gave up way too many, which probably had something to do with Martz wanting to continue to score points). A lot of people blamed Martz for not having Vermeil who would opt for running plays to control the clock. Also, the scores of those games do not come anywhere close to those of the Pats' games this season.
But what do I know? I only played in the NFL on several championship teams while Malach has been a fan his whole life and, despite a brief NFL career, never developed into the talent that we thought he would be. But, Malach, what really upsets me is that I thought we were friendly. And I don't mean "Invite me over to your house" friendly, I mean "Take it in the butt from each other" friendly. Malach, don't you remember all those long days we spent together on the beach running across the sand, kicking water at each other, and engaging in protracted Greek wrestling matches? Don't you remember feeding each other passion fruits and drinking mojitos from long bendy straws? What about all the time we spent putting suntan lotion on each other? Malach, what happened to our "friendship"?

With all my love to my lost friend,

Mark Schlereth